My Baby Girl's Birth Story | Stafford, VA
As mentioned in my Bump to Baby blog, I LOVE being pregnant. What I love even more are BIRTH STORIES! I love to sit around talking with other moms about their births. The strength, determination, love, and work that go into bringing a baby into this world is unimaginable at times. Moms are warriors. There's no doubt about it. This story is long and is about BIRTH. Birth isn't for the faint of heart. Beware by continuing to read, you are in full consent that a baby will be exiting my body at the end of this. My birth team was incredible. They were under strict orders to document the entire day and under no circumstances were they to stop. They did a FABULOUS job :-)
Here is my story...
Back story: I got pregnant while living in Germany and returned to Virginia at 24 weeks. I was diagnosed with high amniotic fluid at 30 weeks and had to completely cut out refined sugar from my diet. I had to see a high risk OB for weekly ultrasounds for the duration of my pregnancy. This eventually got my amniotic fluid levels under control and then I had to maintain my levels to keep the baby and I out of danger. It was scary for awhile! It was also HARD to not have any sweets for the last 3 months of pregnancy when every other pregnant woman on Earth got to eat like a... PREGNANT woman! At 32 weeks, both the high risk OB and my regular insisted I was going to have a big baby and that she was going to come EARLY. I got asked weekly if my bags were packed. Naturally, everyone was surprised when my due date came and went! There was a discrepancy between my German OB and US OB as to my due date so my US OB tried scheduling my induction on 3 separate occasions. I cancelled all 3 inductions because I just wasn't ready to be induced and I wanted so badly for the baby to come on her own.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
(4 days past past my due date given by my OB in Germany and 11 days past my due date according to my US OB)
10:15am: I had my final ultrasound!! Mom, Jo, Alicia, and I excitedly attended my last ultrasound appointment. Since I was past my due date, insurance covered me to have another ultrasound. I scheduled this before my regular OB appointment so that I could know the baby wasn’t in any danger and that I didn’t necessarily NEED to be induced. The baby was still head down and looking great! She had been transverse for most of my pregnancy so this was a relief. My fluid was normal and everything was seemingly perfect with the exception of my placenta. The ultrasound showed calcification of my placenta which is a sign it is getting old. She assured me that this was normal since the placenta is only a temporary organ and isn’t designed to last forever. She saw no need to induce right away, but she wanted me to deliver within the week to avoid complications.
2:50pm: I arrived at my regularly scheduled OB appointment. Dr. Wilkes seemed really happy to see me as did her nurse. They always compliment me on how great I look to be this far along. I also got the usual "you've got fantastic hips and cervix" compliments. I measured at 3cm dilated and 50% effaced which was pretty exciting. She stripped my membranes and said yet again that she hoped I would call her with labor news before my scheduled induction the next day at 8am. We went over my birth plan one last time so that I could have peace with how things would go. She was very easy going! She said that we could start with breaking my water or start with a low dose of Pitocin and go from there. If I progressed quickly, we could stop the Pitocin and I could walk around. We had a really good talk and I even felt a little excited walking out of the appointment. With Alicia, I cried during the induction conversation because I wanted to go into labor on my own SO bad. This time, I was much more at ease. Since Alicia was at Jo’s house playing, Mom and I walked over to the hospital to take some pictures. I wanted a picture in front of the labor and delivery sign just in case my water broke or labor happened quickly. We would be checking in for the induction less than 24 hours later anyway so I was in my window for delivery! I then updated everyone on the birth day news. Lacy, my doula friend and partner with Connected Birth, was quick to give me lots of tips to get labor going on its own.
6:15pm: I started having what I believe was sciatic pain. I had sharp pains shooting down my right butt cheek and halfway down my thigh. We had dinner and I had my first glass of wine in 9.5 months per Lacy's suggestion. Apparently I don't know how to relax and she wanted me to do everything in my power to relax and get this baby moving down.
8:15pm: My sister, Jamie, asked if I was feeling in labor yet. I said no, but I was having REALLY sharp pains in my lower abdomen. I tried to use the bathroom and literally had to jump up twice in pain because it hurt to sit (little did I know this was the start of how I would feel for the next 24 hours). I also had a lot of back pain. It wasn't radiating pain, but more of a constant pain.
9:14pm: The hospital bags got their final inspection and everything was placed by the front door.
11:08pm: I sent the final text of the night letting my sisters know I was going to bed and that I was NOT in labor.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
2am: After no less than 4 trips to the bathroom to pee in a matter of 3 hours, I woke up feeling what I knew right away were contractions. I knew that I needed to get as much sleep as possible so I dozed right back off.
3:30am: The contractions were significantly more painful and each one woke me up so I decided to start timing them. They were 10 minutes apart lasting 1 minute each.
4:30am: Josh rolled over and seemed semi awake so I told him about the contractions and that I was in labor. He reached over, tapped my arm, and said, “That’s nice honey. Get some rest.” Zzz…… I laughed to myself because I knew he wouldn’t remember this when he woke up.
4:51am: I alerted Erica and Jamie about my contractions and sent them a screenshot from my contraction timer. Erica asked a few questions about them and then responded with, “Progress :) How’s the weather up there today?” Looking back this text makes me laugh. Jamie responded with “Wahooo” and then we started discussing who was bringing what for hospital snacks for the kids. Food is always a topic of conversation when my sisters and I get together! 1. Feed the family 2. Deliver the baby!
6am: I opted to take a bath to see if that helped alleviate the pain of the contractions, but mostly because I had fabulous curled hair from the day before and didn’t want to redo my hair if I took a shower. The bath felt wonderful! I had to roll from side to side to keep warm since I couldn’t simply lay on my back and be under water. My belly was too big!
7am: I called my doctor to let her know I was in labor and asked if I could skip my 8am induction. She had just finished up a c-section and told me to check back in with her around noon. I heard the coffee pot going so I let mom know we were not in a hurry to rush out the door because I was in LABOR!!! Mom had her coffee while I ate fruit and oatmeal. I waited for the sun to come up over the horizon so that mom and I could head outside for one more day of belly pictures. She sarcastically said she was thrilled, but I think she is starting to like being my photographer. I’m very proud of her photography skills! She has listened to my coaching for the past month and has greatly improved! My contractions picked up to 5-6 minutes apart around this time, but were only lasting 30 seconds each. They eventually went back up to 10 minutes apart where they stayed for most of the morning. Alicia woke up and climbed into my arms like she does every morning. I sat on the exercise ball with Alicia on my lap while I finished up my oatmeal.
11am: I spent most of the morning just standing up and rocking my hips from side to side. Swaying my hips was the only thing that actually felt comfortable. Lacy excitedly came over to teach me about belly binding as support during pregnancy and postpartum recovery. She also massaged my back to take away some of my back labor pains. Josh and Alicia played on the couch taking pretend pictures of each other while Mom was the official morning photographer with my camera.
12pm: I called my doctor’s cell to let her know how my contractions were doing. She was dead asleep when she answered the phone and told me to go ahead and go to the hospital. Since she was asleep, I saw no rush in getting to the hospital so we all ate lunch and leisurely loaded the car. We laughed about how this baby didn’t want to be born on time and that we couldn’t even make it to an induction on time! It was difficult riding in the car because it hurt me to sit down. Sitting upright caused shooting pains in my lower abdomen. I sat on my feet leaned over on the armrest the entire 25 minute ride to the hospital. Erica and Jamie had each been to Chickfila and Target while waiting for me to head to the hospital so everyone was ready!
1:16pm: We arrived at the hospital! Erica and Jamie were already there and tooting their horns like crazy people. The crazy people you love, not the crazy people you run from. Alicia had fallen asleep in the car so Josh picked her up with my camera bag while mom manhandled as many bags as she could. I put myself in charge of carrying my camera of course. When we were all in the lobby, we laughed about how we looked like a bunch of hillbillies moving in to the hospital with the amount of people and bags we had. We all crammed into the elevator and up we went!
When I checked in with the nurses in Labor & Delivery they knew exactly who I was and said they had been waiting for me. Nurse Hazelle walked Josh and I down to room 238 and handed me my gown. After I got changed, she hooked me up to the monitors so they could get a reading on the baby’s heart rate to send to my doctor. I let her know that I did not want to be at the hospital nor did I want to be induced or strapped to the bed. She then handed me a stack of papers that needed filled out and signed in order for the induction to proceed. I joked that I was going to fill out the papers as slow as possible in order to delay them still wanting to induce me. I explained to her that I was in labor and saw no point in going forth with any sort of induction procedure when there was no rush for this baby to come out. The pen she gave me ended up running out of ink and she gave me a very sly look when she came back to get the papers and they still weren’t filled out.
2:45pm: Hazelle made me get in the bed for the heart readings because me moving around was causing the data to jump all over the place and they needed a good 30 minutes of reliable data. I was not very happy about this because it hurt so badly to sit down. I ended up having to be in the bed for one straight hour and it was terrible! After the hour was up, she let me know that she had spoken to my doctor and that I was free to leave the hospital since I didn’t want to be there. I was shocked! I explained to her that I wasn’t against being at the hospital really, I was only against being induced and stuck to the bed when I was clearly in labor all on my own. I didn’t want anything forced on me and I wanted to be able to move freely and progress on my own. My contractions were also about 6 minutes apart so going home would only mean driving right back to the hospital. I ended up deciding to stay at the hospital since they allowed me to roam. She said she needed to update my doctor on the new plan and I said I’d just call her and let her know. She was shocked that I had my doctor’s cell phone number as was every other nurse I encountered that day when they said they needed to page my doctor for consultation on something. I was always quick to say let’s just call her right now! Hazelle gave me a gown to wear backwards to cover up my butt and told me to be back in 2-3 hours for intermittent monitoring of the baby. AGREED! I had to ask for some mesh panties and a pad because I was scared of peeing on myself mid contraction. I did not want to have to walk back to my room with pee filled slippers. She hooked me up and off we went! My contractions quickly picked up to 4-5 minutes apart as soon as I started walking. I could no longer talk through them and they required me to stop in my tracks and breathe through them. It was an awesome feeling because as soon as they were over with, I was back to myself and happily walking along! Josh, Jamie, and I ventured around the 2nd floor for awhile and stopped by the waiting area to see everyone. I knew I had to be quick saying hi to everyone so that I wouldn’t end up having a contraction in front of all the kids. I made a quick exit and leaned up against the wall of the 2nd floor sign.
We then walked down the long hallway and I quickly fell in love with the "slow dancing” method of pain coping. It felt nice to have my arms around Josh while he supported some of my body weight with my head buried in his chest. I knew I would love this position anyway…I’ll do anything to get Josh to dance with me ;-) Walking greatly intensified my contractions. I rocked in place, held onto rails overlooking a pretty little pond outside the hospital, danced with Josh, laid on random couches and leaned on chairs. I’m pretty sure some part of me touched every piece of furniture we came across while we made our rounds. I was hurting pretty bad, but decided to venture down the stairs anyway. I had to stop for awhile halfway down and was greeted by Erica and the kids heading down to the cafeteria for snacks. They were all holding hands and it was very cute! After making it to the elevator on the first floor, it was time to be monitored again. I didn’t think it would take me that long to walk down 2 hallways and a flight of stairs, but it surely did!
5:20pm: When Hazelle noticed how strong and frequent my contractions were, she said it was time I officially be admitted to the hospital. Josh had to go downstairs to get me a hospital bracelet. Apparently we were supposed to have checked in there when we first arrived at the hospital. Oops! Since I was being admitted, Hazelle gave me a hep lock for my IV so they could take my blood. She promised me that she would do the blood draw herself so that I only needed to be pricked once. I was free to go walking again, but I started to feel nauseous and wanted to just hang out in my room. It felt nice to sit on the very edge of the bed with my butt barely on it and lean with my forehead on Josh’s chest. I learned in Connected Birth's education class that there’s a pressure point in the forehead, but digging my head into Josh’s chest was purely instinctual in the heat of each contraction. It definitely made me feel better.
I started having a lot of back pain so Josh and Erica alternated giving me back massages and rubbing tennis balls back and forth on my lower back. I taught Erica what Lacy had done to my back earlier in the day and that felt amazing too. I had Erica stand behind me with her hands overlapped on my lower back and simply rock her body back and forth while applying downward pressure on me. It ended up being easier for her to do than massaging me. Jamie had a less than desirable job at this point, but she happily volunteered every time I had to use the bathroom. This was my least favorite part of the day. Going pee hurt SO BAD. I don’t know how to describe how much it hurt to sit down, but going pee intensified the pain so much that I literally had to jump up mid stream every single time. The toilet was so wide and high up that I couldn’t simply squat over it. My birth team and I had many conversations trying to think of ways I could comfortably pee. Josh suggested that I just squat and pee in the shower, but I didn’t want to do that because I’d still end up peeing down my legs. I think the nurses thought I was crazy because at one point I even asked if I could have a bed pan that I could just hold under me. The nurse said they didn’t have one. Can you believe that?! It was now dark outside and the pictures weren’t turning out that great anymore so Jamie and I had my camera bag on the bed so I could show her how to set up the flash and change my camera settings in between contractions. This gave us a little giggle. Yes, I was in a lot of pain, but these pictures were important! Things started to get really uncomfortable at this point. I couldn’t find a position I was happy in. I leaned over the bed and had counter pressure on my back, squatted on the floor next to the bed, got on my knees on a pillow on the floor and leaned on the bed, got on all 4’s on the bed, and then eventually collapsed on my side on the bed to rest for a few minutes. At this point, the nausea came on with a fury. I dry heaved into the circular green containers just as I did when I was in labor with Alicia, but the dry heaving actually turned into vomit this time.
6:50pm: Just as Josh stepped out to eat pizza in the waiting room, Jamie rushed to my side to hold the bag so I could throw up. I couldn’t stand the smell of my own vomit so she immediately grabbed me a clean bag to continue throwing up into. The nurse said it was time to cut me off from water and move onto ice chips. My mouth was dry the entire day and I was diligent about drinking water to stay hydrated because I didn’t want hooked up to an IV bag all day. Jamie designated Erica as the ice chip feeder while Josh was gone. She said, “I’m not an ice chip person. I do vomit and wipe butts.” Erica said she was scared I was going to bite her fingers off as she dropped ice chips into my mouth. I had my eyes closed and mouth open and apparently my mouth snapped shut like an alligator when the ice hit my mouth!
7pm: My contractions were steadily coming at 3 minutes apart and so was my vomit. The nurse was worried I’d get dehydrated so she hooked me up to an IV bag for a little while since it was time for my intermittent baby monitoring anyway. Staying still in the bed was awful and made my contractions so much worse. I couldn’t do anything other than lay on my side holding onto the bedrail for dear life. I couldn’t move because every time I moved, the monitor would lose track of the baby and I knew I would have to stay on the monitor longer. I learned this lesson earlier in the day. This position was not conducive to managing my pain. Josh kept wanting me to let go of the side of the bed because it kept my hand tense, but I couldn’t do it. That bedrail was the only thing keeping me a little bit grounded with the intensity of my pain. This is when my contractions made me get vocal. By vocal, I mean that I made noise. I was not a mean laboring woman. The comment was made that I was the most polite woman in labor ever because I was still asking for ice while saying please and thank you each time. I was a silent laborer with Alicia so it took me by surprise that I couldn’t stay quiet this time around. My little cries of pain were nothing compared to what would come later!
7:15pm: Josh was sitting on a stool next to me on the bed and all of a sudden the smell of peanut butter permeated the air around me and it made me sick to my stomach. I was in the middle of a contraction and quickly said, “Get rid of the peanut butter [pause] give me my barf bag.” I said it so fast that all Josh and Erica heard was “Get me peanut butter” and “Barf bag.” Erica had a travel sized peanut butter packet next to her and tossed it to Josh within about .25 seconds of me "asking" for it. I opened my eyes to throw up and saw Josh about to open this peanut butter container for me. I then yelled for him to GET RID OF IT and continued to throw up. They were both really confused since I had just “asked” for peanut butter. It was then that Erica realized Josh had just finished eating some trail mix with peanuts in it and that I was smelling Josh’s peanut butter breath which was making me sick. Finally, my contraction was over and so was the vomiting so I told him that there were mints in my purse and to go get some. Jamie brought Alicia in for a quick visit right after this and she was very attentive to me while she sat on Josh’s lap next to my bed. She came in during a contraction free minute so I was able to tell her I was okay and not to be scared just in time for another gut retching contraction. She was a nice distraction because I really had to concentrate on not doing anything or making any noise to frighten her. After two contractions, I couldn’t do it anymore and Erica quickly rushed her back to the waiting room. It was time for Erica’s pizza break anyway.
7:30pm: I continued dry heaving into the bag complaining about the smell of peanut butter still in the room while Erica and Josh said there were no peanuts nor peanut butter in sight. This then led to a series of hot and cold moments for me. I was visibly shivering yet still asking for more ice. My mouth felt dry all day! I needed to use the bathroom so I hobbled out of the bed trying to make it there before another contraction hit. While trying to pee, I got freezing cold and my body was shaking so badly that I couldn’t even sit down nor pee. The nurse brought me a warmed blanket and wrapped it around me so I could go to the bathroom. I then attempted to pee, peed on myself as usual and then begged to be allowed to be somewhere other than the bed. I was granted a chair! It was really comfortable for me to be able to sit on the very edge of a chair. I was still shaking so badly I could barely form sentences so my amazing nurse, Kara (who had awesome purple hair), brought me another warmed blanket for my legs and everyone in the room gathered all available robes and covered me up a like a mummy.
8:10pm: I started sweating and all layers were ripped off of me quickly. This is where it helps having a birth TEAM. It was all hands on deck to get everything off me quickly. Josh was worried I had been sitting too long with all of the bed and chair time and encouraged me to try and walk around the room to get labor progressing faster. I took one step and said no way. I agreed to stand up, but that was it. It was far too painful to do anything else. I then swayed back and forth holding onto Josh with my back and bare butt hanging out of my gown. The nurse, Kara, asked if I wanted her to tie my gown up back there and I said, “No, everyone in this room has already seen what’s back there and it is only about to get worse.” We all laughed and then it was back to business mode with more contractions. Kara kneeled on the floor in front of me holding the baby monitor in place so that I didn’t have to be in the bed. She was AMAZING. I legit loved her. She kept encouraging me and telling me I was doing great and told me about her natural labors because she was scared of the epidural. Self doubt settled in here as Kara brought up breaking my water to get labor moving faster. I was already in so much pain that the thought of having my water broken and the pain intensifying scared me. I told her that I lasted with a natural labor with Alicia until they broke my water and then I asked for the epidural. Things went south with Alicia after the epidural and it was a very scary for everyone with the amount of doctors and nurses rushing to my side. I was scared that would happen again and I wanted to do this without drugs. I told her that my labor with Alicia lasted another 7 hours with my water broken and she assured me that I was progressing quickly and that the baby would be here very soon. At this point, Kara thought things were pretty intense and decided to call my doctor. Again, I gave Kara her cell phone number.
8:19pm: I needed to use the bathroom again and uttered in extreme desperation, “We are in a hospital. WHY CAN'T I JUST GET A BED PAN?!?!” Everyone laughed a little bit and then the teamwork to get me to pee commenced.
8:30pm: I made my way back to the bed and leaned on it while Jamie attempted to fix my ponytail. Apparently she only has experience with thick haired ponytails so I ended up fixing my hair myself. I leaned over the bed for a few minutes and then ended up back on all 4’s on the bed. Dr. Wilkes arrived and it was brought up to her that I didn’t want my water broken. She and Kara both promised that I could still have a natural labor and that my body was more than capable of handling the contractions. They both also promised that my contractions would indeed get stronger and more painful. How could they get WORSE?! They were already so painful! With the little bit of time in between my contractions I begged and pleaded for her not to break my water because I was scared of the pain. She agreed to wait until she saw how far along I was and then we could reevaluate.
8:36pm: Dr. Wilkes asked that I lay down so she could check me. I told her no and asked if she could do it with me standing. We agreed that I would sit on the very edge of the bed since that was the only sitting that didn’t cause me extreme pain. She squatted down on the floor and told me I was 8cm dilated and that we should break my water. Kara gave her the hook to break it and then I felt a surge of warmth rushing out of me. My fluid was clear with no signs of meconium so that was a relief! Josh was visibly upset as soon as this happened and asked Erica to take my side while he stepped out of the room. He knew I didn’t want this and that I was scared and he was mad at my doctor when she insisted on breaking my water anyway. He later told me that we had talked in length about what I wanted during labor months ahead of time and that no one cared about my birth plan anymore except him. No one supported him when he insisted she not break my water. Everyone else agreed that breaking my water was a good thing. In hindsight, it probably was a good thing because my labor could have been significantly longer, but I completely understand where Josh was coming from and I’m SO PROUD that he was so unnerved by things not going the way I wanted them to. For a long time, I didn’t feel that he took my birth plan seriously. From the moment I got pregnant, I started telling him how I wanted things to be different for this birth. He always just said “okay" until the very end of my pregnancy. Once we got to the “this baby could come any day now” stage, he started asking more questions and wanting to know why I wanted certain things done a specific way. When Josh came back in, I could tell he was a little shaken and I told him that everything was okay. I expected an immediate surge of contractions that would be uncontrollable and that didn’t happen right away, thank goodness! A few minutes later, I needed to change positions again. I was on my knees on the the bed with my forearms resting on Jamie’s shoulders. Josh attempted to take her place, but his shoulders were way too high and I told him I needed Jamie’s lower shoulders.
9pm: The vomiting came back. Jamie was on barf bag detail and Kara held a cold rag on my head. I was beyond uncomfortable and Kara said we should try putting the squat bar on the bed for me. I stayed backwards on the bed on my knees while holding my body weight up with my arms leaning over the squat bar. Again, Josh thought my upper body was too tense with the way I was holding onto the bar, but there was no way I was letting that thing go. It felt like my lifeline for a few minutes at a time. Josh stayed by my side with his hands on mine and rubbing my back while feeding me ice chips and constantly encouraging me.
9:15pm: My arms were starting to fall asleep so I stood up on the bed and put my weight on the squat bar with my arms extended down. I then uttered a sentence I never thought would come out of my mouth. I told Jamie that I thought there were enough pictures of me standing there in pain and that she could take a break. Gasp!
Contractions got a lot more painful and I got A LOT more vocal. I ended up letting out a few loud screams at the end of contractions because I was in pain and so frustrated because I couldn’t find a sound that helped me on my exhales. I became the loud laboring woman that other women in labor are afraid of. Syncopated exhaling over and over helped for most of my labor, but once this labor got REAL, simply breathing out (kind of like a dog panting lol) wasn’t doing the trick anymore. Breathing out saying “shh shh shh shh shh” worked for a couple rounds, but I still ended up only wanting to inhale over and over because breathing out was somehow more painful. Josh breathed with me, counted during my inhales and exhales, and reminded me that I had to keep exhaling. I may have passed out if it weren’t for the constant reminders!
I had seen so many birth videos of women making their own primal labor sound and I was so mad that I couldn’t find my sound! I tried everything. I panted, moaned, hummed, and sometimes just screamed out “OWWWWWWWW!!!” At one point, I chanted “please please please please please” on every round of exhales so that Josh would please ask them for something to help me with the pain. I cried at one point because I was in so much pain. I couldn’t catch my breath. I couldn’t relax in between contractions. The pain was significantly worse during contractions, but the pain never went away between contractions and it was exhausting me. I was worried that I wouldn’t have any energy to push because transition was taking so much out of me. I begged for just 10 minutes of relief. I thought that if I could just relax for 10 minutes, it would be like a power nap and that I would be ready to have this baby. Some part of me thought that Josh was just holding onto this magic pause button that could simply make labor stop for 10 minutes so that I could regroup. I begged him for something, ANYTHING to take the pain away. I told him I knew there was something out there that they could give me to help for just a few minutes. Josh was really good at telling me that we would talk about it after the next contraction. The next contraction turned into the next one and that final “next” one seemed to never come. I told him I knew that he was stalling me and I appreciated it, but I wanted some kind of relief. Kara told me that it was too late to give me anything. She knew I wanted a natural delivery. She and Josh were on the same page with helping me cope.
My doctor came back in to check me as I asked for probably the 100th time for something to help with the pain for JUST 10 MINUTES. She said that I could have Fentanyl and that it would be out of my system by the time the baby was born. I knew it was an analgesic and I specifically told Josh that I didn’t want that because it would make me sick, but in that moment, the Fentanyl sounded really good. She said it would just take the edge off, but it wouldn’t last very long. I thought, “PERFECT! That’s all I’ve been asking for!!” I told Dr. Wilkes that I wanted it. Josh told her that I didn’t. I reassured him that it would be fine and that I wanted it. He stalled me for a few more contractions and asked everyone to leave so we could talk. He put his face very close to mine, put his hands on my hands and told me that I didn’t need it and that I was doing great. I promised him that I DID need it and that it would be okay. I apologized to him over and over for asking for pain relief and I felt like I was letting him down, but I was desperate. I was miserable and I couldn’t regroup and I was drowning in my own pain. I was no longer in control and I needed something to help me relax. Kara came back with the injection to put in my IV/heplock and asked me if I was sure that I wanted it. I looked at Josh and said no, I wasn’t sure. She stepped back and I tried my best to get through a few more contractions, but I ended up apologizing to Josh again and said that I wanted it. I could tell he was not happy about this decision because I had grilled him for MONTHS on how I didn’t want any drugs, especially analgesics. Jamie was quick to chime in that drugs make me sick so they only gave me half of the dose to make sure it didn’t make me sick. I felt completely fine after a minute so she gave me the rest. The Fentanyl didn’t touch the intensity of my contractions, but it did allow me to rest in between contractions and that was all I wanted. I could close me eyes, sit still, and regroup before the next contraction hit. I still moaned, groaned, and sometimes outright screamed during the contractions, but I was able to get into the zone and kind of rest for a few seconds in between contractions. [I don't regret this decision. I truly needed to calm down and get my head back in the game.]
10pm: I went from standing on the bed with the squat bar, to kneeling with the bar, and to sitting on the very edge of the bed with the back of my head resting on the bar. It was so hard to relax and the Fentanyl didn’t last very long at all. It ended up being perfect for me at the time, but I was still in so much pain. I felt the urge to push with almost every contraction so Dr. Wilkes checked me again. I was still only 8cm! I felt utterly defeated that I hadn’t progressed. She said that I still had a lip in the front and back of my cervix that needed to open up some more before the baby would fit through. I mentioned that I hadn’t peed in awhile nor did I have the urge to and that I had been pumped with fluids. I tried peeing straight on the bed while standing on it and nothing came out. That was quite a moment of desperation. Dr. Wilkes decided to try to use a catheter to empty my bladder in hopes that would make the baby drop down some more. I kept crying out in pain that it hurt and she kept apologizing. Kara asked if she could try and got it right away. My pee finally released into a little bucket looking contraption. I had been asking for something so that I could pee without going into the bathroom all day and they were holding out on this bucket!!
Contractions continued to get worse and more painful and I begged Josh for an epidural. I told him it was okay and that I was at peace with my decision to get it. He calmly, but firmly kept telling me that I was in the home stretch and that I didn’t need it. I told him that he wasn’t feeling what I was feeling and that I DID need it. I was still only 8cm after 2 hours and I couldn’t keep going the way I was going if I wasn’t going to progress. I begged for a nap because I was physically and mentally exhausted. I have to give Josh and a lot of credit here because he was very good at stalling me through each contraction and telling me that I didn’t need the epidural. I told everyone in the room to call the anesthesiologist down, but Josh wasn’t having it. Erica and Jamie later told me that they thought Josh wasn’t looking out for me because I clearly wanted the epidural, but I told them that Josh was doing exactly what I asked him to do. I KNEW there would come a time when I wouldn’t be in my right mind and that I’d ask for things that I really didn’t want. He knew that I just needed to talk about things and that I didn’t really need them. He knew that we would have the epidural talk for every contraction from then until the baby came out. He was prepared for that. He was such a rock solid supporter for me when I was at my weakest moments. To be honest, I didn’t think he had it in him to keep telling me no. If the situation were reversed, I probably would have wanted Josh to have drugs just to take away the pain for him. Josh knew that wasn’t what I wanted though.
11pm: Dr. Wilkes checked me again since I was pushing with almost every contraction. I stood on top of the bed holding onto the bar and asked if I could deliver standing up. She said that I could try, but that wouldn’t open my hips up as much as other positions and that she would be willing to catch the baby from standing if that is what I wanted. I was convinced again to sit on the very edge of the bed and Dr. Wilkes squatted down in front of me again to check me since I was pushing so much. The baby was coming down little by little, but she wasn’t ready to be born yet. Ahhh!!!
11:25pm: Dr. Wilkes came back, checked me again and said it was time to hunker down and really get this baby out. I had no problem with that plan since I was already constantly pushing. Kara had to keep telling me to get my body in a C shape which ended up being pretty easy since I was sitting straight up. Josh and Erica helped balance me on the edge of the bed when I pulled my legs up, chin to chest to push. I felt the baby moving down with each push and that ring of fire was very real. Dr. Wilkes told me that I would be feeling an intense burn and I was quick to reply that I was already feeling it. I got to push when I felt the urge to push and only a few times did she ask me to push one more time when I was done. I was fine with resting in between pushing even though my entire vagina felt like it was being ripped apart. Everyone in the room kept telling me when I had really good pushes. It is awesome that there were visible changes when I had a good push. It was also a great feeling to push only when I wanted to. I would feel the urge to push when my contraction started, but didn't actually push until the height of each contraction.
11:28pm: The baby’s head was visible and she was descending with every contraction. I pushed for what seemed like 2 minutes straight and made every noise known to man trying to muster up the strength to push her out. The pushing pain was nothing compared to the pain of transition.
11:30pm: I gave one final push and out came my sweet girl!!!! That’s right, 5 minutes of real deal pushing and I had a baby girl in my arms!! I don’t remember who said it, but someone reminded Dr. Wilkes right away that we wanted delayed cord clamping. As soon as I felt the baby's body exit me, I excitedly sat up some more and said, “give her to me!” They put a hat on her while I ripped the snaps off the top of my gown for her to be on my chest. They covered her with a blanket and I began kissing her head telling her how much I loved her. I was so proud to hold her in my arms and I couldn’t get enough of her. I felt such a surge of emotions with her in my arms. I couldn’t believe that the moment had finally arrived and I could hold her. I worked so hard all day and she was finally here!!! She was crying when they placed her on my chest and as soon as she grabbed my finger, she calmed right down. Josh had his arm around me and the other around our new baby girl. I could tell Josh was so proud of me and excited to see his new daughter. He kissed me on the forehead and then we kissed on the lips. It was such a surreal moment.
11:33pm: Josh cut her umbilical cord. For whatever reason, Dr. Wilkes had him cut it right near my hugely swollen vagina so I can’t even share those pictures of him cutting the cord. Well…I can, but that would surely scare some people out of having a baby in the future.
11:36pm: I pushed the placenta out with one final push. Right after that, Kara told Erica she felt really bad because she knew how much I wanted to hold the baby for skin to skin, but she wasn’t breathing well and they needed to suction out her lungs. I understood when they took her from me that it was for the best. I saw them sticking tubes down her throat that were filled with mucous. I felt so bad that in her first 10 minutes of life, she was having such a hard time already. Josh was right there with her and Jamie was steadily snapping pictures. While I was still sitting vagina in the air, Dr. Wilkes said I had a first degree tear in two places and stitched me up. I started to get really cold again and shook uncontrollably so Kara brought me another warm blanket and covered me up.
11:45pm: Erica had left the room a few minutes prior to let everyone know that I had the baby! She came back with Alicia and then Josh held her in his arms and introduced her to her new baby sister. She was a little timid and seemed kind of mesmerized looking at her sister getting suctioned and measured under the heat lamp. Once my stitches were complete, I had Erica get Alicia’s new baby out of my suitcase. Her baby was swaddled up like a newborn and I gave Alicia her new baby while she cuddled on the bed with me. She was so happy to have a new baby sister AND a new baby all of her own. I then invited the grandmas into the room as they gave my baby girl back to me. I laid her on my chest and she immediately started rooting to breast feed. When she got close enough, she latched right on with no hesitation! I couldn’t believe my eyes. Alicia took 3 hours before she latched on! Everyone else started to filter into the room and we decided it was time to tell everyone her name. I announced her as Samantha Marie Gearheart. Jo immediately starting crying when I said Josh wanted her to have his NanNan’s middle name. Coincidentally, it is also my grandma’s middle name! Erica also has her middle name so it is definitely a family name now :)
Friday, February 19, 2016
By 1am, my sisters had gone home, Josh and Alicia held Samantha, and then both grandmas got to hold her. Josh helped me get to the bathroom for the first time and that was fairly scary and painful. Even though I’ve had a child before and seen 3 others born, I’m still in shock with the wreckage left in the after mass. It was very rough attempting to sit down and then I got the uncontrollable shakes again. I was literally trembling and it was awful. Josh helped me get myself situated, squirted my peri bottle for me, cleaned up some of the mess on me, and helped me back to the bed while Kara cleaned up the even bigger mess in the bathroom. Nurses are amazing. At 2am, everyone decided it was time to head home so that we could all get some rest. I was exhausted, but I could barely sleep because every time I dozed off, Samantha started gurgling and it scared me to death. She had a lot of fluid left in her lungs and I was scared she would choke on it and not be able to turn her head. The nurses warned me of this so Josh and I ended up taking turns holding her and staying awake in shifts so that we could be right there if she started choking. It was an immensely happy and scary night. Nurses and doctors started rolling in at 5am so it was also a very short night of sleep.
I woke up to my amazing husband and new baby girl cuddled up on the couch together so I could get some sleep. Is there anything more adorable than this?! I love them so much :)
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