How do you know when you're DONE?

Photo credit:  Allyson Boop Photography    

Location: Lynn Acres, Smithfield, VA

Mommy & Me session with my two girls exactly one year ago!

Real talk.  

How do you know when you're "done" having kids?  

I'm perfectly content having two children and if I were to never get pregnant again, I wouldn't feel like I was missing out on anything.  This is something that not everyone knows, but we had to go through fertility treatments to have our first baby.  After she was born, I was content with one child if that's how the cards played out.  I was incredibly blessed that we were able to get pregnant with our second baby on our own and though we were trying, it was still a complete surprise because we had been trying for years at that point to have a family.  I knew that I wanted another baby, but I didn't YEARN for a baby like I did when we couldn't get pregnant the first time.  I just accepted that maybe we were only meant to have one child.  

Fast forward to the present and that first child is about to turn 5 years old.  I don't know where the time has gone.  Parenting has certainly been challenging with her growing independence and opinions on everything from what she eats to when we have to clean up, but there isn't anything about her that I don't love to pieces.  I'm secretly proud of her when she defiantly looks my husband and I in the eyes and tells us that we are being mean to her when we are telling her to take another bite at dinner.  I wish she would eat without instruction each night, but I love that she's not scared of telling us how she feels and calling us out when she feels she's not being treated properly.  

Our second daughter is now two years old and full of spunk and personality.  She doesn't care who is talking to her nor how serious of a mom or dad voice we are using, she does life on her own accord and isn't scared of anyone...except a room full of strangers.  My larger than life adventurer turns into a meek mama's girl when she's not surrounded by her "people."  

At 36 years old though, I'm faced with a decision that doesn't quite seem fair.  I have to decide if we are done having kids and I don't get to take my time about it because the medical world surely lets women over 35 know that every year we wait to have kids, we roll the dice on whether that child will be born with birth defects or not.  Yes, I waited later in life to have kids and I don't regret that decision at all, but how do you know when you're DONE?  I don't have that definitive answer in my mind.  I wouldn't be sad at all if I found out I was pregnant, but I'm not yearning for another child right now either.  My husband, on the other hand is DONE.  He can state that fact with certainty.  He would be perfectly happy if I announced I was pregnant, but he is confident in shutting down the baby factories in our house at this point in life.  

I feel sad when I think that I won't be pregnant again or that I won't get to breastfeed another child.  I also feel sad thinking that if we have another child, my two girls now would get less in life because everything would be divided by three instead of in half for them.  I know that "stuff" doesn't make a happy life, but you guys...life is getting more and more expensive.  Cars are ridiculous.  Weddings.  College.  Clothes.  Makeup.  I'm fully aware that I have two GIRLS and I know firsthand that girly things are not cheap.  

So my question is, how did you know you were DONE?

And how many of you decided you were DONE and then found yourself wanting more kids later?

Sincerely, 

A soul searching mama on the eve of her first born's 5th birthday